Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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