we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
