The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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