I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
