I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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