The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
