scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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