Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
50% drunk capacity currently
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
