I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
