My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
