I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize