My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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