We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
