My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I currently don't understand fingers.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
