I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
