Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
