Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
