Barsexuality is the new black.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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