Welp...herpes.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
