But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
