Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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