Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
