well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
