dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
