When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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