I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
