Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
