you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
