So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
