I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
