Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
