it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
