Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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