Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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