Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
