I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
