was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
