But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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