new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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