I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
