apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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