weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
