Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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