Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
