Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
