I got chris browned last night
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
