I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
