It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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