My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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