i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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