glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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