you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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