So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
