I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
