The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
