At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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