im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
