I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
