Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize