allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
