my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
