Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
