Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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