just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
