if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think I have vodka in my lungs
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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