Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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