He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
