They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
In America we eat man semen.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
