did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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