farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
