Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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