I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
